We’re in for a scary night with the Cruiserweights: as of last week Neville’s missing from the intro, and as of last night there’s a Fright Night Fatal Four Way. On the spookiest night of the year, will Cedric Alexander be swayed to the dark side by Gentleman Jack and The Dread Pirate Brian Kendrick? Can anything top last night’s cameo appearances by Tex Ferguson and Chadd 2 Badd? Why did someone in the audience have a sign of AJ Styles as a mermaid?
Answers for all this and more, maybe, in last night’s 205 Live recap.
Drew Gulak’s Little Curly Bang vs. Akira Tozawa (Winner)
Drew Gulak is perfect and so is his tiny little half-curl bang right in the middle. “I’m Drew Gulak, and … where my ghouls at!” Drew Gulak should have played Bobby Newport on Parks and Rec. Drew Gulak breaks out a new PowerPoint tonight, this time on how to improve Halloween. Timely and thoughtful. Unfortunately for Drew, Akira Tozawa appears and the two waste no time throwing hands.
Gulak is simultaneously a pitch-perfect and weirdly tone-deaf heel for 205 Live. In a division defined by high flying on a show where fans often request… well, more high flying, Drew is both our angel and our devil. As he rages against the machine, he embodies the machine better than anyone else on the show.
Lucky for us, the weird paradox of Drew Gulak doesn’t stop this match from being pretty rad. Drew sets his sights on Akira’s throat early on and both men do a stellar job with storytelling here. Tozawa snatches the win here, but like any good local aspiring politico who doesn’t know how to lose, Drew will inevitably bounce back. He’s got more slides.
Rich Swann vs. Jack Gallagher vs. Cedric Alexander’s Decision-Making Skills
Cedric Alexander tells Rich not to let people run him down and hands him a clown nose. Rich: It’s a trap. Rich is facing The Brian Kendrick for Cedric Alexander’s friendship later tonight. “Clown ’em,” Cedric says. Do not clown ’em, Rich. Trust no one.
Mustafa Ali with Helpful Advice
Growing up in Chicago was rough for Mustafa Ali during Halloween, but he learned… to always get your candy? I hope he sticks Tony Nese’s head inside his tiny little pumpkin bucket.
Rich Swann’s Even More Questionable Decision-Making Skills (Winner) vs. The Brian Kendrick
Can you handle… IT ? pic.twitter.com/H5jKMHzXgp
— TDE Wrestling (@totaldivaseps) November 1, 2017
Cedric comes out with some pretty subdued face paint while Rich Swann comes out in the full Party City get-up. The Brian, a man for whom incredible glittering green tights are a standard wardrobe item, does not appreciate it. I would buy replicas of every single thing Kendrick has ever worn to the ring, but a man with his enviable aesthetic is maybe not the dude to take issue with someone like Rich Swann when Rich’s only crime is “also having a fun time, but with dance.” They’re both former champs!
Despite Swann’s ungainly Halloween costume, Swann and Kendrick put on a fast-paced and hard-hitting match. It’s a little too hard hitting at one point when Kendrick’s baseball slide sends Rich head first into the front of the announce table. This match is an absolutely brutal showcase of both of their strengths, and Alexander and Gallagher’s too. Gallagher looms on the outside, quiet and dangerous. Alexander’s natural charisma helps keep the energy high. Cedric doesn’t even turn on Rich tonight. Cedric: I’m sorry for ever doubting you.
Gran Metalik Just Wants to Make His Ancestors Proud
Gran Metalik announces he wants to celebrate Dios de los Muertos by honoring his ancestors with his performance in the fatal four-way. Mustafa’s bite-size promo was cute, but Gran Metalik just comes out to tug at your heartstrings. I’m already proud of you, Gran Metalik.
Fright Night Fatal Four Way: Mustafa Ali vs. Gran Metalik vs. Ariya Daivari vs. Tony Nese
After Gran Metalik’s promo, the ring is surrounded by jack o’lanterns, skeletons, and a pile of other Halloween goodies. Shoutout to the WWE ring crew for the turnaround, honestly.
Ariya Daivari enters first in a gorgeous watercolor floral jacket to tell us a horror story about the curse of 205 Live. Dude, Neville just got cut from the opener. Too soon for these jokes. Mustafa Ali thankfully appears in the middle of the “foreigner speaking his first language after delivering a flawless English promo just to scare white people” portion of our broadcast.
I’m happy Tony Nese is so confident in his body but the He-Man gear not making an appearance tonight is a missed opportunity. Gran Metalik is still just happy to be here, and I’m happy to see him. Mustafa starts the match off by handing out some sweets and it’s Tony Nese that ruins the fun. Can’t be a beefy heel without a little fatphobia. After clearing the ring, Mustafa and Metalik hit a sequence of flips and top rope moves just as sweet as the treats Mustafa handed out before the bell.
— TDE Wrestling (@totaldivaseps) November 1, 2017
Within moments the ring is littered with the shattered remains of adorable pumpkins. It’s a testament to these guys’ skill that they can keep up their pace amidst the sticky, slippery gourd innards under their feet. This match is all the wild delights of Halloween Havoc and in-ring talent of WCW’s cruiserweights at their peak: Happy Halloween indeed. Even Lil Naitch is here!
In the end, Mustafa Ali with a broomstick leg drop who gets the win. Our Survivor Series cruiserweight championship match is already set — Kalisto vs. Enzo, Redux (Redux). Surely a man who can hit a leg drop from a broomstick deserves a shot though, right?
Two weeks left til Survivor Series. Follow along here at Rogue’s Portal to see how it all shakes out.