Welcome to the ninth installment of Shadowhunters Buzz Sessions — more season two, and significantly more salt. Whoops! For anyone unfamiliar with this series, our social media editor, Samantha, and contributor, Shanicka, haved watched two episodes every week of Freeform’s Shadowhunters. The series is based on Cassandra Clare’s young adult urban fantasy series The Mortal Instruments.

Each Shadowhunters Buzz Session begins in a chatroom while Shanicka and Samantha watch the episodes; then, those chats are transcribed here on Rogues Portal for your reading pleasure (with some points expanded and other, unrelated shenanigans deleted).

This week, they watched Shadowhunters S02E03, “Parabatai Lost”, and S02E04, “Day of Wrath”.

WARNING: There will be spoilers for the series (duh) and the books! Proceed with caution! There will also be some swearing, because that happens. 

S02E03, “Parabatai Lost”

Samantha: Thank god for previously ons or I’d be so lost all the time.
Shanicka: Hahaha.
Shanicka: YES.
Samantha: OH MY GOD. The hair is… perfect….
Samantha: I’m stressed af.
Shanicka: Yeah omg, I forgot about this bit.

Samantha: I hate how women jogging always find murder victims and then just stand there screaming “call 911” as if they don’t have cell phones?
Shanicka: LITERALLY!!!!!!! LIKE.
Samantha: That makes no sense! And it happens in literally everything.

Shanicka: I still feel SO BAD for Simon’s mom. God. This poor sweet woman.
Samantha: I know. That family is going through so much trauma for no reason.

Samantha: Honestly, the hyper focus on Clary is annoying af. Like, I get it, but. Damn.
Shanicka: It’s SO ANNOYING. She’s literally and always the least interesting storyline. This just like…continues.
Samantha: But she’s the protagonist~
Shanicka: This is the best Clary outfit though. I’m still obsessed with the tank/choker combo.
Samantha: Her hair looks really good, too.

Samantha: IS THAT MAIA?
Shanicka: Yesssss!!!!! Oh my god. FINALLY. I love her so much.
Samantha: YESSSS MY GIRL. “My brother needs me.” SOBS. Jace, you’re an idiot. You are so stupid. Like – I’m so over it.

Samantha: BOYFRIENDS ? Clary was responsible for this pain too! I’m so!! I hate to bag on a lady protag but damn.

Shanicka: Fucking Jace. This is good casting though. Also lowkey gay panic.
Samantha: It’s great casting! All the gay panic, oh god.
Samantha: The placement of that neck rune is making me feel things – like, he’s had that for SO LONG.
Shanicka: I WAS JUST GONNA SAY THIS! Hahahah I fucking LOVE IT.

Samantha: “Come out of the coffin” – this is… timely, for National Coming Out Day. I love/hate monsterism as a code for queerness.Especially since the writers very rarely ~ go there ~ and make it a reality so like. Simon is a vampire and he has to “come out of the coffin” but he never… kisses a boy….
Samantha: And here’s that Harry Potter influence again. Taking your monster cues from JKR, Cassie? Ugh.
Shanicka: Oh my god yes!!!! So fucking true.

Shanicka: Also this fucking dude.
Samantha: Oh man, he’s AWFUL. Leave Magnus aloooone.

Shanicka: I honestly don’t even remember.

Samantha: Dang, Maia. I really appreciate the number of ridiculously attractive people on this series. This is GNARLY. Wow. Way cooler than the Twilight transformations.
Shanicka: Hahaha SO WILD. And yeah Maia is ridiculously attractive. I can’t.

Samantha: The clave can be reasoned with ~. Never trust people who trust the government tbh.
Shanicka: {insert clapping emoji}

Samantha: Isabelle’s profile is…Stunning. This episode is very PRETTY.
Shanicka: I would diiiiie for her.
Samantha: She’s smart as hell, too.
Shanicka: Fuck Aldertree. Fuck all of his storylines re: Izzy. I hate him and the writers for this whole thing between them forever.

Samantha: My heart is breaking for Magnus and Alec. This Izzy casting is… not good.
Shanicka: I hate it. Mainly because she’s like…white. And again I know Izzy is white. But Emeraude very CLEARLY ISN’T. LIKE.
Samantha: Yeah. I just — why is race so gd messy on this show.

Samantha: This is messy.
Shanicka: SO. MESSY.
Samantha: LMAO RAPHAEL THE BAND MANAGER. LOOKING OUT FOR SIMON. B O Y F R I E N D S.  K, I understand why this is kind of not cool bc Raphael is a vampire and he’s being kind of a dick to prove a point, but also like – whatever. Shipper goggles. I’m fine with it.
Shanicka: Literally. Like my friend realllly ships Simon/Raf and I never like…”got” it during my first watch cuz I was like WOW RAF IS SUCH AN UNMITIGATED ARSEHOLE. But as I watched on~ especially in this season, I like…understand his character more. And I adore him. And Simon. As bi boyfriends.
Samantha: The most bi boyfriends.

Samantha: Oh, Izzy.
Samantha: uGH UGHu gh ugh ug hg ugghgugh. Alec Alec Alec. I’m sO STRESSED!
Shanicka: I 100% cried the first time I watched this.
Samantha: Ohhhh my god I’m tearing up. AND I KNOW HE SURVIVES BUT GOD.
Shanicka: Lol truuuly.

Samantha: “Please don’t leave me, Alec.” Oh, kids. Magnus and Clary holding hands, don’t touch me.
Shanicka: Killlled me.
Shanicka: ksdjfhksdh RIGHT?!

S02E04, “Day of Wrath”

Samantha: Okay but – “incest” shouldn’t be a side effect of demon blood. Liiiiike.
Shanicka: Hahahaha. Omfg. I can’t.

Samantha: This … reminds me of Game of Thrones.
Shanicka: Oh my god YES so true.
Samantha: Like that scene in the pilot when they’re in the Stark family crypt
Shanicka: Yes!!!!

Samantha: She says “we’re family” but… “THERE IS NO TOGETHER FOR YOU AND ME, CLARY. THERE NEVER CAN BE.” Boy.
Shanicka: LMFAOOO. This scene was so wild because like CASUAL INCEST!!!!

Samantha: These credits are… sensual. I didn’t really notice before.
Shanicka: I love them. They remind me of the Teen Wolf credits.
Samantha: Oooh yes.

Samantha: Oh, BABIES.
Shanicka: I love Magnus so muchhh. Also goddd their first official date!!! I can’t wait.
Samantha: I’m so excited.

Samantha: Alec is so no-nonsense with her, I can’t. “I don’t like you, but we have to work together, so follow everything I say.” I love it. The comedic relief is so needed.
Shanicka: Hahaha I love it. And so needed omfg.

Samantha: Okay, this is – I hate Aldertree. Conniving little fuck.
Shanicka: YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH YOU HATE HIM YET. I mean you read the books so probably haaha but STILL FUCK HIM.
Samantha: I DON’T REMEMBER. Also the more I watch the show the less I really remember from the books, which is… typical.
Shanicka: And I feel bad actively hating a black character!!! But fuck him.
Shanicka: Hahaha I’m glad. It makes it more exciting. And UGH poor Raf.

Samantha: “Motivation” wow wow wow wow. Noooooooo.
Shanicka: Trash. Absolute trash.

Samantha: THE INCEST. Oh, this is fucked up. I can’t fuck my sister so I dream about murdering her. K.
Shanicka: Hahaha yo, in this episode it’s the worst it is???? (except for the actual incest at the end of the season obviously) and I was SO SHOOK.
Samantha: I hate that I’m not shocked by it because I watched The Borgias. Also because I read the books so like I Know Things but.
Shanicka: Yeah but that’s like…an HBO show wasn’t it? Like. I’m just more surprised because like FREEFORM and also like young adult novel!
Samantha: Showtime, I think. YEAH IT’S A LOT OF INCEST, like you’re not wrong. Lmao.
Shanicka: Hahahaha

Samantha: oHhhh my god fuck
Shanicka: So fucked. Up. Also Magnus is a goddamn saint and we don’t deserve him.
Samantha: Truly.
Shanicka: Magnus is literally the Papa to all of the Downworlders and I would die for him.
Samantha: So if Raphael is like a son to Magnus, that makes Simon his son in law, right? What a weird little family.
Shanicka: Hahaha yes!

Samantha: Juuuuuuust kissssssssss.
Shanicka: JUST KISS. Like. I feel bad because like Raf shouldn’t have done that. But also, like he’s literally being hunted and threatened and tortured by Aldertree sooo.
Samantha: Yeah. It’s. Complicated. But either way, kissing would help.
Shanicka: Truuuuuly. Also fuck Camille.

Samantha: What’s weird is that Valentine’s experiments are like … enhancing ~ demon tech ~
Shanicka: Yes!

Samantha: “No one in Idris is going to teach you how to fight in five inch heels.” My fucking girl. This demon is… terrifying.
Shanicka: The besttttt. The fucking BEST. Also this is super depressing. Fuck. I just remember what happens this episode.

Samantha: Magnus has such complex relationships with everyone.
Shanicka: He does! I feel like that’s literally what happens when you’ve been alive for centuries and centuries.
Samantha: I mean, yeah. It’s kind of bizarre to see him interact with so many young people? Like, they’re children.
Shanicka: Omg literally though jesus.

Samantha: “You have a great love for your sister, don’t you?” Ew.
Shanicka: kjashcaskd lmaooo
Shanicka: Hahahahaha

Samantha: Simon trying to live a normal family life makes my heart hurt.
Shanicka: My poor vamp baby boy who literally asked for NONE of this.

Samantha: OH NO. OH NO ALEC. OH FUCK. sklajgklajgklajgj !!!!!!!!!
Shanicka: …….
Samantha: Lydia? Or …

Samantha: oh
Shanicka: Yeaaaah. Fucked.
Samantha: God. I didn’t see that coming? I should have. Oh fuck.

Samantha: MAGNUS. Camille is the worst.
Shanicka: We don’t fucking DESERVE HIM. FUCK HER.
Samantha: Wow, manipulative much?
Shanicka: TRASH.
Samantha: You know he and Alec are married in the books, right? She wrote a short story where Magnus finds a baby and brings it home, too.
Shanicka: Ooooo I didn’t!

Samantha: Oh, I’ve seen caps of demon!Izzy! I assumed they were photoshopped ala that period when everyone was obsessed with giving every character ever black eyes.
Shanicka: Lmaooo. I’m so annoyed that we spent like an entire SEASON looking for fucking Clary’s mom only for them to kill her over in the 4th episode of S02 LIKE. Wasting my time.
Samantha: Yeah!!!!! Shoulda known when she and Luke finally kissed smh
Shanicka: Loll exactly!

Shanicka Anderson is a freelance writer and editor from New York. Often and without prompting, she enjoys talking television, pop culture, Harry Styles, her year abroad in London, and the complexities of the Caribbean diaspora. If you've loved her words, check out her Twitter for a few more of them.

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