Welcome to the third installment of Shadowhunters Buzz Sessions! Our social media editor, Samantha, and contributor, Shanicka, are watching two episodes every week of the first season of Freeform’s Shadowhunters. The series is based on Cassandra Clare’s young adult urban fantasy series The Mortal Instruments.
Some background: Shanicka has been watching the series for a while now; Samantha watched the pilot for the first time when they agreed to do this series. Shanicka has not read the books; Samantha has. Together, their knowledge going into each episode is an interesting mish-mash of memory and opinion.
Each Shadowhunters Buzz Session begins in a chatroom while Shanicka and Samantha watch the episodes; then, those chats are transcribed here on Rogues Portal for your reading pleasure (with some points expanded and other, unrelated shenanigans deleted).
This week, they watched Shadowhunters S01E05, “Moo Shu to Go” and S01E06, “Of Men and Angels”.
WARNING: There will be spoilers for the series (duh) and the books! Proceed with caution! There will also be some swearing, because that happens.
S01E05, “Moo Shu to Go”
Samantha: THIS IS SO DRAMATIC. THIS MUSIC.
Shanicka: Always!!! Ooookay Alec.
Samantha: Alec is so overprotective. He’s also hella smart though.
Samantha: Damn, Izzy.
Shanicka: Literally and always FLAWLESS.
Samantha: “She sounds more like a friend than a mom” makes me sad. Do we ever see the Lightwood parents?
Samantha: Also HOW is she walking in those heels?
Shanicka: Maryse is kind of… the worst for a while.
Shanicka: SPEAKING OF.
Samantha: Oh my god, hahahaha. Oh, that’s right! They’re in Idris! Or however you spell it.
Samantha: I literally cannot.
Shanicka: I feel so bad for Izzy. Maryse is the Worst.Hugging everyone but her. The nerve.
Samantha: After Izzy tried to explain it away as not being a Shadowhunter~ thing, God. uH OR YOU CAN NOT SHAME YOUR DAUGHTER?
Shanicka: THE. WORST.
Samantha: I hate the “shitty mom is good to everyone but her daughter” trope. I also… hate the xenophobia. Like, I know that’s par for the course in fantasy and sci-fi but Jesus.
Shanicka: Yeah it’s so annoying.
Samantha: And Alec blaming Clary? Why is this show so big on shouting at women?
Samantha: God, Alec is so weird. Poor thing.
Shanicka: Residual gay panic.
Samantha: Oh, Alec. And Jace doesn’t get it, oh my goD.
Shanicka: Lmao. Straight boys. Jesus.
Samantha: I’M SCREAMING. HE’S SO OBLIVIOUS?
Shanicka: I knooow. It like hurts to watch.
Samantha: Alec’s suffering face makes him look like a puppy and I’m sad about it.
Samantha: These two should still make out? At some point? Pls.
Shanicka: Always the dreammm.
Samantha: Ooooh, this should be interesting. “The law is hard but it’s the law” LOL for his sister and the fey but then… Magnus……….. Alec, I see you.
Shanicka: Omg I knoww.
Samantha: OH MY GOD. I’VE SEEN GIFS OF THIS. HIS FACE. Oh my gpaslsjagkljagakd.
Shanicka: Magnus “Never Been Turned Down In His Eternal Life” Bane.
Samantha: Alec is having such a bad day.
Samantha: Everyone hunting Clary is such a mess.
Shanicka: Alec is so Grumpy.
Samantha: I mean she ran off and prevented him from making plans with Magnus. I’d be grumpy too.
Shanicka: Hahahaha okay point.
Samantha: Wow yikes Clary. Let’s… not demand that someone you barely know come out to you?
Shanicka: Poor Alec.
Shanicka: Lol yeahhhhhh…
Samantha: “I’m an evil shadowhunter. I hang out in nuclear wastelands.” Hello?
Shanicka: I’m still like. Oka…y.
Samantha: Isn’t Chernobyl still not safe for habitation?
Shanicka: I mean he’s doing gross experiments on them anyway, sooo I guess it’s fitting. They don’t really survive.
Samantha: That’s true. He’s terrible.
Shanicka: Literally and truly. The Worst.
Samantha: Simon, my goodness.
Shanicka: “A cold.”
Samantha: A.K.A. becoming a vampire. Oh, Christ, Simon.
Shanicka: “Brooklyn” a.k.a. Canada.
Samantha: Everything is Canada.
Shanicka: Hahaha so obviously.
Shanicka: Uh oh.
Shanicka: Dem arrows.
Samantha: It takes so much muscle to be able to shoot a bow and arrow?
Shanicka: I KNOW. Especially under stress.
Samantha: I HAVE SEEN THAT SCREENSHOT LIKE 100 TIMES.
Shanicka: It’s impressive.
Samantha: Ah hell, the werewolves got Clary and Simon.
Shanicka: He’s gonna be so hard on himself!! My poor Alec.
Samantha: Alec and the No Good Very Bad Terrible Day.
Shanicka: OMFG. I WAS GONNA MAKE THAT EXACT JOKE. LAWLS.
Samantha: It’s unavoidable, hahaha. He’s really struggling today. Poor Alec.
Shanicka: JACE. LEAVE HIM ALONE.
Samantha: I wish… Jace was more likeable.
Shanicka: It’s so annoying because no one told Clary’s ass to leave in the first place.
Samantha: No, she just left because she’s stubborn.
Shanicka: But yeah… Jace is… really not. I only like his banter~ with Simon and this other season two character. But other than that… EH.
Samantha: Hahaha. I really just… feel terrible for Alec.
Shanicka: I love him so much. He literally puts so much pressure on himself. It’s devastating. AND THEN. For fucking JACE to put this brand ass new girl in front of him??? RUDE.
Shanicka: Those wolves are HUGE.
Samantha: I have to say these wolves are pretty decent?
Shanicka: No shit Clary. They’re werewolves.
Samantha: She’s really good at stating the obvious.
Shanicka: Yikes @ her acting just then. That scared breathing was helllla cringey TBH.
Samantha: I won’t lie, thus far the only people who haven’t had cringey moments yet (IMO) are Izzy and Magnus? Even Matt [Daddario] sometimes I’m like “no no no shhhh don’t overact, bb.”
Shanicka: Yeah. OMG Harry Shum Jr. is a fucking prince TBH. He really sells it and he honestly just getting better and better.
Samantha: Did you see the first looks at him filming for S3? He looks incredible.
Shanicka: I haven’t yet actually!
Shanicka: FUCKKKKKKK. HE LOOKS AMAZING. THAT HAIR.
Samantha: YESSSSS. I LOVE THE HAIR.
Samantha: I can’t take Luke seriously. Because Old Spice.
Shanicka: Lol that’s fair but OMG I love Luke. He’s the bestest.
Samantha: !!! Luke!
Samantha: I will also ship Simon and Izzy forever.
Shanicka: I LOVE THEM. Also look at this effing dream team.
Samantha: This is bonkers. “He’s helping us!” “Or cutting in line to kill us.” I’m crying.
Samantha: What up Luke?
Shanicka: Hahahah. Why do they all still have clothes? Do they even know how werewolves work?
Shanicka: JACE. GTFO of here. JESUS.
Samantha: I think it’s really interesting how they all refer to each other as family?
Shanicka: It’s my favorite.
Samantha: I know the Lightwoods raised Jace as theirs but it’s just. Nice? It’s nice.
Shanicka: But also, I don’t remember if I found Jace this annoying the first time around (but LBR, I probably did). It’s RIDICULOUS how suddenly he wants to abandon his whole family for a pretty girl he JUST MET. LIKE. Keep it in your pants, Lightwood.
Samantha: I don’t feel nearly as stressed as I should because I’ve read the books, re: Luke? Also, YEAH, that’s not cute, Jace. Wtf.
Shanicka: OH. Yeah that whole thing is different from the books though! It’s one of the big things they changed.
Samantha: You said that! I’m just. Assuming he lives, hahaha.
Samantha: WOW RUDE.
S01E06, “Of Men and Angels”
Samantha: Clary looks nothing like her mother and I need people to stop with that.
Shanicka: Hahahah she REALLY DOESN’T. AT ALL.
Samantha: I am thrilled that Magnus is in this episode, though.
Shanicka: Magnus’s hands are gorgeous.
Samantha: Magnus’s everything is gorgeous.
Shanicka: Hahaha POINT.
Samantha: [Said the lesbian.] The way Harry moves his body is incredible. Like, his embodiment of this character is so immersive? Hold up. VIRGIN. SHADOWHUNTER. ENERGY.
Shanicka: HAHAHAHA. SO GOOD.
Samantha: AND JACE LIES TO ALEC ABOUT WHAT MAGNUS SAID.
Samantha: I hate his stupid gloves.
Shanicka: I hate his stupid everything.
Shanicka: Her boy toys, lmao.
Shanicka: BI. LMAO. OOPS. I got excited.
Samantha: Nah, you’re right. Everyone is bi.
Shanicka: AHAHA especially Magnus.
Samantha: “Your suitors need to hurry.”
Shanicka: I love his hand magic. Magnus gave me a hand kink.
Samantha: Everyone is so mean to Simon!
Shanicka: I KNOW. HE DIDN’T ASK FOR ANY OF THIS. He was just trying to have a good time.
Samantha: “You treat him like a lap dog.”
Shanicka: JUST MAKE OUT.
Samantha: EVERYONE MAKE OUT.
Shanicka: “More than a friend feelings.” SO PRESH. Jace is SUCH a douchebag.
Samantha: OOOF, this is painful.
Shanicka: YOU WON’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M ANGRY.
Samantha: This is so violent. But also like. Vaguely sexy? Why.
Shanicka: Soooo sexy.
Samantha: Either stop touching each other or kiss.
Shanicka: My poor vamp son.
Shanicka: Maryse does actually look a lot like Izzy. So really good casting there at least.
Samantha: I was going to say! Their faces are very similar. And Alec doesn’t look that different either? Except for… the race… thing. Which the creators apparently want the audience to not notice.
Shanicka: I agree haha. It was really good casting. I wonder if the actress who plays Maryse is Latinx. I gotta look that up.
Samantha: Magnus has no concept of personal space.
Shanicka: Loooove it.
Samantha: Using Magnus for exposition makes a lot of sense to me because he’s so… dramatic? And prolific and verbose?
Shanicka: Oh yeah for sure.
Samantha: Like, I hate when characters explain~ everything but with him it actually makes sense.
Samantha: Blah blah blah. I do not care about the honor of the Lightwood family, soz. Garbage plot.
Shanicka: ME. NEITHER.
Samantha: Why are so many of the older shadowhunter men bald?
Shanicka: LMAO. Demon-fighting I guess.
Samantha: I guess that could lead to hair loss, yeah, haha. This episode is also dragging. Needs more Alec and less Clary.
Shanicka: I think it’s cuz it’s so much flashback.
Samantha: Yeah, that’s true. It’s a LOT of exposition, and in the middle of the season, which is weird?
Shanicka: Magnus looks greeeat at least.
Samantha: I feel like they gave us a ton of info up front in the pilot and then laid off for a few episodes and now they’re back to that. Magnus’ magic is hella cool though.
Samantha: OH WOW FUCK ME.
Shanicka: Take WHAT U NEED. BYE..
Samantha: THIS IS REALLY INTIMATE. HELP
Shanicka: Lolll Matt is overacting a bit tho.
Samantha: Duuuuuude duuuuuude dUUUUUUDE DUUUUDE. YEAH BUT HANDS.
Shanicka: COllapsing on him!!!
Samantha: “Youre talking politics. I’m talking about Alec’s life.” “It’s all the same to a shadowhunter.” UGH.
Shanicka: MARYSE IS THE WORST. I hate that shit.
Shanicka: GET A FUCKING ROOM. Ugh.
Samantha: I think you’ve ruined me bc every time Jace and Clary so much as look at each other I’m like “ughhhhhh.”
Shanicka: “I’m always gonna have your back.” You literally met her once Jace. Calm down. LMAO.
Shanicka: Max is adorable btw.
Samantha: Max is so good. But… “Passion makes you dangerous.” So… Izzy weaponizing her sexuality is… bad? No.
Shanicka: So annoying.
Shanicka: Magnus’s apartment is incredible. That four poster bed? Damnnn. That’s how you living?
Samantha: YEAH, damn, his place is gorgeous.
Shanicka: LMAO “Are you my…” Yes…the black dude is definitely your dad Clary. CLEARLY.
Samantha: I’m cackling.
Samantha: That black hoodie of rage. I wish I had more commentary on this.
Shanicka: Me too TBH. But again it’s kind of just like this bare bones exposition stuff, ya know? About all of the characters I don’t give a fuck about. But also Valentine is the worst.
Samantha: God, Valentine is scum though.
Shanicka: TERRIBLE. Like your own parabrotai, dude? Really?
Samantha: It’s very … Othello? Becoming convinced your wife is sleeping with your friend.
Shanicka: Omg yeah, for sure.
Samantha: There’s just no Iago character egging him on. It’s his own head. But there’s that whole theory that Iago wasn’t real so.
Shanicka: My bbs!
Samantha: They’re so cute. “It was a lie anyway.” M a g n u s.
Shanicka: Lmao that scrunchy face Alec makes when he drinks. Im obsessed. !!!!!
Samantha: Oh, I LOVE this. YOU’VE UNLOCKED SOMETHING IN ME. And this song, “where do we go from here?” Oh my god.
Shanicka: I knoww ugh.
Samantha: “I wish I could, I just don’t know.” OH GOD THE LITTLE SMILE. I’m dying.
Samantha: Her brother~~~ omgggggggggggg.
Shanicka: DUN DUN DUN.
Shanicka: Okay episode 6 was bit of a drag but I think it picks up again.
Samantha: OKAY YES GOOD.
Shanicka: That’s good. Usually it goes by so quick. But yeah tonight was rough? The Luke parts when by sooo slow omg.
Samantha: Sooooo slow. Next week will be better!