Welcome to the 11th installment of Shadowhunters Buzz Sessions — more season two! Less anger this week, but still a lot of salt. For anyone unfamiliar with this series, our managing editor, Samantha, and contributor, Shanicka, haved watched two episodes every week of Freeform’s Shadowhunters. The series is based on Cassandra Clare’s young adult urban fantasy series The Mortal Instruments.
Each Shadowhunters Buzz Session begins in a chatroom while Shanicka and Samantha watch the episodes; then, those chats are transcribed here on Rogues Portal for your reading pleasure (with some points expanded and other, unrelated shenanigans deleted).
This week, they watched Shadowhunters S02E07, “How Are Thou Fallen”, and S02E08, “Love Is a Devil”.
WARNING: There will be spoilers for the series (duh) and the books! Proceed with caution! There will also be some swearing, because that happens.
S02E07, “How Are Thou Fallen”
Samantha: It’s been awhile since we’ve had an establishing shot of “New York.” Can’t say I missed it. Also, I haaaate that Valentine calls her Clarissa.
Shanicka: Me too. It’s always fucking creepy.
Samantha: I think part of that is because it makes me think of Hannibal, tbh.
Shanicka: OMG. SO TRUE. Wow. I bet that’s definitely the vibe they were going for.
Samantha: I LOVE THEM.
Shanicka: Alec looks so fucking in this season. It killllls me. Such better hair.
Samantha: The glow up is real.
Shanicka: COCKBLOCKING ASS JACE.
Samantha: Simon has abs??? Clary no.
Shanicka: Fuck outta here Clary.
Samantha: Literally no. I almost gagged. CLARY YOU LITERALLY HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE JEALOUS. That jacket is cute af though. Simon continuously dropping everything to be at Clary’s beck and call is never not going to be painful.
Shanicka: EXACTLY. It honestly boils my blood.
Samantha: I am HERE for Alec being reluctant to leave Magnus though.
Shanicka: And ughhh I’ll never get sick of Malec being so easy and affectionate and comfortable with each other.
Samantha: I literally don’t need to see Jace using his runes to flirt.
Shanicka: ALTHOUGH. Important to note, I remember people were getting super mad (myself included) because that Malec makeout scene was supposed to be a lot longer but they cut it off……..and went to the half naked hets….
Samantha: oh really? UGH. That’s not at all surprising but also so shitty.
Samantha: “Rescued Simon every time he got into trouble which is basically all of the time.” I Z Z Y. Constantly going to bat for her friends! Constantly getting shut out or accused of shit she didn’t do! ALWAYS A SCAPEGOAT.
Shanicka: She doesn’t deserve that shit. GOD I hate this.
Samantha: And now she’s a drug addict. This plot is such garbage. She’s going to resort to drinking Simon’s blood, isn’t she? Since yin fen is vampire poison.
Shanicka: No….but you’re close. Actually it creates one of my fave ships BUT yeah trash storyline. Not worth Izzy being an addict.
Samantha: On a totally different note, I love Magnus over tipping.
Shanicka: Yesss Magnus.
Samantha: MY FRIEND JEM. OH MY GOD YES THEY REFERENCED THE PREQUELS AHHHHH!
Samantha: What’s up with the demonization of women putting their trust into men? Why is that constantly a thing?
Shanicka: Oh my god, seriously!
Shanicka: “She’s cute” – I can’t believe everyone on this show is so bisexual.
Samantha: “With my fangs”
Shanicka: But also yikes at this whole awkward thing.
Samantha: These poor children. FACE TOUCHING.
Shanicka: Simon!!! So cute and awkward.
Samantha: LMAO I AM NOT READY FOR THIS SHIT.
Shanicka: When will Maia/Jace/Simon RISE?
Samantha: 100% here for this polyam relationship.
Shanicka: I SPIT IN IT.
Samantha: “I spit in one.” SCREAMS!
Shanicka: Still amazing.
Samantha: “Delicious, don’t tease me.” I’MMMMM—
Shanicka: “Will you be my Obi Wan?” WHAT A FUCKING NERD.
Samantha: I’m … so torn here … because obviously Luke’s suspicion is 100% warranted but I’m also so TIRED of villainizing women!!! Who do what they have to do for survival!!! Also, they totally changed this plot from the books. I think.
Shanicka: Yeahhhh. It was so weird to me that they did this to her.
Shanicka: Also Jace needs to leave my son ALONE. All this is hella gay.
Samantha: Jace, buddy, people who live in glass houses with bad hair shouldn’t throw stones. SIMON, I’M SCREAMING.
Shanicka: lmfaoooooooo OMG
Samantha: pLS MAKE OUT. “It looks like you’re low on fiber,” oh my GOD. It’s okay, Simon. Raphael wants you just as you are. So does Maia. So does jACE HONESTLY. OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING
Shanicka: AHAHAH. This is literally…so. WILD. And also gay. I’m sorry.
Samantha: So so so gay? Everyone on this show is super bi. It’s fine.
Samantha: I am stressed af about Izzy. I love that she still wants to help her brother with his love life even though she’s suffering from her addiction 😭 Babies.
Shanicka: Poor Izzy. Literally fuck Aldertree.
Samantha: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MALEC THO.
Samantha: Valentine is a fucking monster.
Shanicka: THE WORST.
Samantha: This episode is Too Much. I am so stressed.
Shanicka: SO STRESSFUL. LIKE.
Samantha: I like… can’t tear my eyes away from the level of bullshit happening in this episode.
Shanicka: Lmaooo it’s a LOT. Like literally everything is happening at once.
Samantha: That @Horse_ebooks tweet is super applicable rn. And like – we haven’t even met Clary’s brother yet!!! So this season hasn’t even gone all the places I know it does!
Shanicka: Lmaooo this season is like….two seasons in one. It’s fucking wild.
Samantha: The last three books were wiiiiiild. The sixth one especially.
S02E08, “Love Is a Devil”
Samantha: Um. Um? Raphael and Izzy???
Shanicka: Ta Da, this is my ship.
Shanicka: It’s a tragic ship though 😞
Samantha: Yeah, look at how it’s starting!!!! Fuck, Raph 😞
Samantha: I literally always forget about Max.
Shanicka: Lmao he’s the absolute cutest. Maryse can go get wrecked tbh.
Samantha: I hate her! Goddamn Matt Daddario looks so good this season.
Samantha: Valentine’s obsession with Clary is fuckin. No. DON’T THREATEN LITTLE KIDS YOU SHITSTAIN.
Shanicka: Valentine is traaaash.
Shanicka: I fucking hate this. HATE. HATE.
Samantha: This is Hurting Me.
Shanicka: I can’t even listen to this again. I’m sorry. But. Once was ENOUGH.
Samantha: Never would have also been solid.
Samantha: Nope. Why did they do this?
Shanicka: Kill it with fire. Can you imagine a ship I hate more than fucking Clace???? UGH.
Samantha: I didn’t think it was possible and yet here we are.
Samantha: MAGNUS! ALEC, MY B A B E.
Shanicka: Fighting for his boo thang!!!
Samantha: So it’s okay to “follow orders” and disown your adopted son but it’s not okay to invite your son’s boyfriend to a family party? INTERESTING.
Shanicka: EXACTLY. Maryse is fucking full of shite.
Samantha: WOW, THE DREAM. LOOK AT ALL THOSE CATS.
Shanicka: Omg, the cutest cats.
Samantha: The awkward af implications of parabatai and sex. This conversation… I can’t.
Shanicka: AWKWARD AS HELL.
Samantha: I hate hate hate hate hate Clary and Simon as a Thing, oh my god.
Shanicka: I can’t even handle them together. It makes me rage blackout. This episode reminds me of the “Party Guessed” episode of Teen Wolf if you remember it. And it is the FUCKING WORST.
Samantha: Isn’t that the one where everyone gets all fucked up and hallucinates at Lydia’s bday? There are like 80 love triangles happening rn and they all suck.
Shanicka: YES to the first question. And I FUCKING KNOW to the second thing lmao.
Samantha: Maryse … just. Shut up. THEY’RE TOGETHER, MARYSE. OF COURSE THEY TALK ABOUT PERSONAL SHIT. Magnus as the voice of reason means so much to me.
Shanicka: He’s the dad of everyone!!!
Samantha: Izzyyyyyyyyyyy. This is so manipulative, fuck.
Shanicka: It was so manipulative. I just….all around no good.
Samantha: Oh my god?
Shanicka: FUCKING MAX.
Samantha: Maryse, Jesus. Way to poison a child to be racist af?
Shanicka: Maryse can go fucking die. Matt is so hot. Fuck. Lol remember when Jace used to call them “Mom” and “Dad” lol lol lol
Samantha: YEP, JESUS. This is horrible!!
Samantha: Raphael’s backstory is so sad. I’m so glad Magnus exists.
Shanicka: Yeah I love Raph. And literally thank FUCK for Magnus. A gem. A true prince.
Samantha: Raph is so into her… Help.
Samantha: Clary! Not everything is about you!
Shanicka: Not everything about Clary??? What a CONCEPT.
Samantha: MAGNUS IS SO SMART.
Shanicka: Aleccccc 😞
Samantha: Oh no. You know, you told me everyone was hallucinating and YET. I STILL BOUGHT THIS ALL HOOK LINE AND SINKER. Alec!!!
Shanicka: Lmaooo omg really???
Shanicka: My poor fucking Alec!!!!
Samantha: Well, the Simon stuff I did. And Maryse. ‘Cause those things didn’t seem that out of character!!! Lol!!!
Shanicka: I hated this. Hahahaha. True. I definitely believe it all at first.
Samantha: MAGNUS. This… isn’t funny but Jace is so … ridiculous.
Shanicka: Poor Magnus. This mess.
Samantha: Yoooooooo. She is POWERFUL. SHIT, THE CAT!!! OMG!
Samantha: MAGIC FIGHT!
Shanicka: Magnus’s beautiful apartment!!!!
Samantha: The season two budget must have been so good.
Shanicka: Lmao RIGHT? So much fucking better.
Samantha: LMAO. THERE YOU GO.
Samantha: CLARY HAS PURE ANGEL BLOOD. RIP.
Samantha: Stop. S t o p. This ship is so bad. Friendship is a thing that exists!! Explore it!!
Shanicka: It’s the fucking worst. Like. You can’t even understand the rage. GOD.
Shanicka: Max is so young. This is like…kind of creepy.
Samantha: It’s really creepy? He also looks nothing like either of his siblings or his parents…
Shanicka: Lmao, poor kid.
Samantha: oKAY… SO WAIT. That’s the first rune? Why TF is Izzy’s IN THE CENTER OF HER CHEST?
Samantha: WHAT THE FUCK?
Samantha: Maryse Redemption Arc 2k17. Ugh, girl. Men are cancelled. All of them.
Shanicka: Lmao literally.
Samantha: Except Magnus.
Samantha: Madzie is so cute and I just want her to be safe with her gills.
Shanicka: FUCKING VALENTINE.
Samantha: He’s so CREEPY.
Shanicka: Stop stealing people’s kids? LIKE.
Samantha: RIGHT? IT’S NOT HARD. DON’T KIDNAP.